Today marks the 2nd anniversary of Mom's passing, and I've been thinking a lot about her.
She could make me madder than anyone, but she could also envelop me with such love that it was breath-taking. She always wanted me to be my best, and when I fell short, she pointed that out. Not to be mean, but to remind me of the good stuff she could see in me and to keep me moving toward that. Sometimes it felt like she was a person I could not please, but I figured out, rather late in her life I admit, that she was my external cheerleader and coach, and sometimes the coaching felt critical instead of supportive. But the intent was always support with unconditional love.
That's what she gave to everyone, unconditional love. She had an endless amount of love, patience and generosity. She was a loyal friend and a loyal advocate. On the rare occassion when she came off wrong and hurt my feelings, she would always be eager to patch things up so the hurt never lasted long. What did last was the lesson that you keep the treasured relationships strong, even when there is conflict. She actually wrote me a letter once, after a particularly hurtful exchange, in which she apologized for her words and explained that she had learned things from the conflict. That takes a strong person, and my admiration for her grew.
The thing about love is that it gets tested. Sometimes it isn't strong enough, or malleable enough, to pass the test. In Mom's case it was always strong enough. I hope my love for family and friends can be like that. Strong enough to bend when that's what it takes. I think Mom really guarded the loves in her life because her own family was fractured. Her older sisters taught her conditional love, and she really rejected that concept in her own family. That was the strength of character she had...she didn't become bitter about all the old stuff-- she just made it a priority not to let the old stuff color the rest of her life.
Mom was a person who never complained. If things were rough she just bucked up and got through it, she was never a victim of circumstance. She was a victor of tough challenges, but never a victim.
She had a wicked sense of humor. It was great to just laugh with her, to watch her fully enjoy whatever was happening. We shared so many precious funny times in the weeks before her death, and those memories, maybe because they are the freshest, make me remember her with a huge smile on her face and sparkles in her eyes.
Those are the things I am missing, those are the memories I am holding close. I was very lucky to have such a great Mom.
